Mostly funny.

My M.S., ever present. All though I deny it's presence, it comes to me like a fog, still, pressing. Gone for a day or months. Returning like an old unwelcome friend. M.S. hides and waits until I can not resist anymore. It breaks my body down but, not my spirit. Today I must rest. Tomorrow is another day to fight. My body rests while the pain awakens. No distractions today. I have a greater understanding for those that are immobile. My mind is always there ready to be tortured by my own hidden demons. There's some mention about "idle hands being the devils play ground." Who ever said that must have had some personal experience. I've been reading a book that reminds me to look at life with the eyes of a child. I've been trying this notion for a couple of days. Life is easier when you try to look at life with the eyes of a child. I guess I just need to find the fun in everything. It sounds pretty easy when you read it back to yourself. It's harder typed than done. M.S. has been a part of my life for 20 years yet, after all my efforts it surprises me when it sneaks in under the walls. That sucks doesn't it? We all get something. Something positive to say about M.S. M.S. is truly a motivational disease. There, that's mostly funny.

Hallelujah

Joy, oh rapture I've completed a very difficult course. When I wanted to hide my head and not show up for class I continued. Similar to life, constantly striving to improve who I am. For me this has been an amazing experience. I've found that I don't really know that much. There is so much more to be learned. Life is a journey not a contest. A persons life is not measured by the things in life. Rather it is measured by which you act and react to situations that you can not control. All though there is always the ever present "Fear Monster" a persons desire to be compels him or her to hang on a little longer. Perseverance personified. Miheala "The Teacher," implores me to be better. Guides me in directions yet unexplored. Where it leads, "I do not know!" What I do know is that I'm enjoying the ride. Isn't that the goal? Just enjoy and appreciate the ride. My life is always full. May it remain the same?No I choose "not the same." Our lives connected for four weeks. All coming to INTESOL for various reasons. Adventure, divorce, uncertainty. As for me it was my escape. My life not my own Constant giving perhaps giving away too much. The results thoughts, of being completely overwhelmed. In these four weeks I have been the receiver. Pleasant and comforting. May I nourish myself frequently!

I dreamt of you

I had a dream, it was very real so, I wrote down the words and put it to music. The music has been written down. Since I dont' have a recording studio in the back yard the music is not recorded. I guess you'll just have to come over and listen. Oh, and I can't sing it. The song is written in the key for the one I dreamt of. Cool huh?

The pain we shared. The tears we felt. Our knees we fell. We shared our pain. But then, I dreamt of you my friend, my friend. I dreamt of you. Your smiling face remains in my heart and in my mind. You'll find the joy that you seek. My friend I saw your face. That smiling face. That joyous face. I saw your face. Your husband there, the smiles you share, the home you now live. I saw you there I felt your joy. Inside those inner walls Surrounded by the ones you live. I felt Gods love, I saw you there I felt Gods love, I saw you there. We shared our dreams. We shared our lives. We shared our hopes. Those smiling eyes, that radiant face, that joyous air, I dreamt of you.

Well things just happen

Tard I R. CRS. Don't know how I blogged in Willy's blog. Ooops my bad. Feel free to delete if it's possible. Sorry no excuses. User not demonstrating a proficiency in blogging. May be at risk of embarrassing others. As I posted on Willy's blog, (YA NOT MY BLOG) I will repeat "Ya, I like money." I just don't know what I'm doing most of the time. Must take a course ASAP. I'm going to Greece mid October. It will be a very good thing. There's only one problem with the trip. I'm going to school to learn "how to teach English as a second language." Me teaching others. YA RIGHT! I'd hoped to blog while in Greece. It's a very intensive 4 week program, Monday through Sunday each and every week. I might make a fool of myself. However, there is a good thing that comes from traveling a great distance. No one knows me! If they speak in Greek I won't know what they are saying. No pains no gains! RIGHT? Life is good. I'm a Tard. I'm ok with that. My family still loves me. Ok, Willy may be less than pleased. However, I'm thinking that he could really take advantage of this demonstration in tardness. Laughter is good for the soul.

One coma please?

Silly, funny & euphoric all mixed in with other negative feelings. No, not negative feelings. Feelings you don't like to feel. All necessary but unwanted by the mind and body. Why must we feel? Knowing the bitter from the sweet? I think I'd just like to be unaware. Mindless and senseless, a coma sounds good for the moment. Just a short break in routine. After a while the dishes would pile up and chores would be undone. But, messes always wait for me. What the heck, why not a short coma? They do it in science fiction movies. Why not in my life. A silly notion indeed but a silly notion welcomed. But then it really isn't as pleasant as the movies reveal. They leave out the disgusting body parts that no one really wants to know about. OK, so I want a state of deep sleep with out potty. Not asking for much, right? What happens when you wake? Do all the feelings come rushing back to you? I guess I'll just keep on plodding along and hope for one good nights sleep.

Questions

Tears fall, pain grips my heart. Unanswered questions, thoughts random & fleeting. Why do we mourn when life is better for "The One"? Our hearts ache for The One is gone from our eyes. Ever present yet illusive. Why? questions formed but never given utterance. We believe! we shout to our souls. Knowing that this pain will depart. When? Questions, what is the lesson to be learned? What are the right questions? May I learn the right questions quickly so there is no more pain? No more pain that grips my heart and drops me to my knees. We stay earth bound for those around us. All the while in our minds shouting when is it my turn, and yet fighting to stay. Sudden and unexpected, it's the worst especially amongst the young. Why? Thoughts too painful to reveal. Can't talk to the ones we love the most. They too will be gripped by grief. Seen and felt too many tears. Can't scratch the surface revealing the pain beneath. Platitudes, Ya, I'm fine.